By Mark Leyner and Dr. Billy Goldberg

Is it true that our noses actually grow ever longer as we age?

Wouldn’t this be yet another depressing indignity heaped upon all the other depressing indignities that accompany getting older? There’s good news and bad news.

The good news: No, our noses don’t grow longer. The bad news: Our noses DROOP.

Gravity is the villain here. As the collagen and elastin in our skin break down, our skin loses its strength and suppleness and the pull of gravity wreaks all manner of havoc upon our bodies. It causes the tips of our noses to droop, our eyelids to fall, our ears to elongate and our jowls to form. It causes our boobs and our scrotums to sag.

Gravity even causes those lovely, purplish varicose veins. Normal veins work against the force of gravity. Over time, as the vein walls weaken, the pressure of gravity causes veins, especially in the legs and calves, to enlarge and bulge.

By Diane Mapes

We’ve all heard those warnings at the end of Viagra, Cialis or Levitra commercials about contacting your doctor if you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours (prompting many a joker to declare “The hell with the doctor, I’m calling my friends!”).

But priapism, a prolonged erection unaccompanied by sexual desire and unaffected by orgasm, is actually no laughing matter.

“A prolonged erection is usually painful,” says Dr. Ira Sharlip, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and spokesperson for the American Urological Association. “Men usually know something’s wrong even if they’ve never heard of this condition, and almost always come in for care because of the pain. There are some men for whom it’s not painful, who aren’t aware of it, and some men who don’t want to go to the doctor or an emergency room, but they should know that it’s a potentially serious condition which can result in permanent erectile dysfunction if it’s not taken care of.”

By Diane Mapes

If ever there were a disease designed to vex a mother, it’s Uncombable Hair Syndrome (UHS).

The rare disease, which has produced less than 100 cases in medical journals since 1973, usually presents itself between the ages of 3 months and 12 years and is exactly as it sounds. The hair, which grows in silvery-blond or straw-colored, stands out straight from the scalp and is impossible to comb. The problem, according to dermatologist Dr. David Orentreich of New York’s Orentreich Medical Group, lies within the hair shaft.

“If you look at the hair close up, you’ll see one or more channels or grooves running down the shaft,” says Orentreich, assistant clinical professor at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine. “That imparts a different behavior to the hair. Normally, hair is quite pliable. You can run your fingers through it; it will bend easily when you comb it. But this makes the hair very difficult to comb. It just won’t bend.”